Peeking Out of The Cave

It's been almost 10 weeks since my last full week in the office (I last saw clients on September 11th) and 8 weeks since our dear baby boy was born. There's a culture of home, hearth, and cave-dwelling with our two dogs that's been dominating my experience (outer and inner) since September 24th when Ready McFie arrived.

I have chosen to take a long leave this time (my return to work date is scheduled to be 1/19/10) and there's a chance that my longer leave is adding to my ability to feel calm, patience, and joy. The longer I'm at home living this way, the harder it is to imagine recreating the schedule I maintained as recently as early September. The more time I have to think about the Blessing of our baby and to re-evalate my priorities, the more I know intuitively that I have to shift things as I return to my practice. When I was 30, 32, and even 35 years old heading back to work was a little bit more routine. This time, it's a whole other story.

Stroller walks in the Fan this week have had my husband playing "therapist" for me as he continues to encourage me to "wait and see how you feel" once I return to work and live that part of my life again. He's right. (Funny how we therapists really DO need an outsider's perspective just a much as anyone.) The turning of the calendar's pages and the seasons changing are making me somewhat wistful on top of all this stuff, but there'll never be a STOP TIME button I can push, so I need to let go of my ambivalence about time passing and realize all the good that there is to come as the days march along. We head North on 11/24 for a Massachusetts Thanksgiving and head West again for a Colorado Christmas. So many people in our families will get to see, hold, and love Ready McFie who have only seen pictures so far.

Life has its built-in silver linings all over the place. This is what I would tell you in the nurturing environment of my Arts for Replenishment and Change practice and surely what I know through my own experience.

Writing honestly allows me to gain clarity about my own life and direction. In this season of Thanks and Giving, here's wishing you the ability to be grateful for the challenges that you face. Give yourself some time to think about whatever is difficult in your life right now and ask for the best possible outcome. Then your job (or joy) is to trust that the problem will take on a new shape. Embrace the solutions that you find.

With Many Wishes for a Happy Giving-Thanks Time,

- ARC

Time for A Cross-Country Driving Vacation - Am I Crazy?!

I've got three days and seven hours left until my family and I head West. Driving to Reno, Nevada comes first. We think we'll get there after three full days of driving (not sure how many hours that'll be on the road but it's a total of 2,662 miles). I try to be kind of funny and cute and practical all at the same time when I remind my beloved husband that in the BEST case scenario we would be able to haul 887 miles a day, but what about my being 31 weeks pregnant at the start of this trip? Besides appreciating the scenery out my window, playing the requisite number of Alphabet Games, and listening to one of many already-selected books to read aloud to one another (all of which are part of helping to pass the time), I will regularly need to drink plenty of fluids, relieve the pressure on my bladder perhaps once every couple of hours, endure the strong likelihood of Braxton-Hicks contractions, and move around to stretch my legs as often as I can. So, what have I gotten myself into?

But I know the answer. A last trip with my family before the arrival of our baby in mid-to-late September. My girls deserve to have this trip go into their memory banks and my husband and I want this trip to go into our build-the-family record book. This is the summer of the Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince movie. This is the summer that all three daughters will be together at their Washington state camp for a full month thereby giving my husband and I our first-time-ever experience of being "childless" all just weeks before our babe arrives in September and we become a family of six. This is the summer when I've slept on top of the covers versus feeling cold or chilly every night. And this is the summer when I've realized I am thrilled (not anxious) about all the unknowns or mysteries that are coming to us. I like this life so much. I feel blessed and loved and safe.

The Universe provided us with the blessing of this sweet baby. I delight in its strong, active movements in utero and talk to our baby with such love and enthusiasm every day.

I still want to see everyone's life as being able to hold such promise. And, in particular, I still love working with people in my therapy practice who are seeking what it is that they want from the Universe.

Now I really know I'm not crazy to be taking this trip. I am lucky and excited and just might be able to write about that when I get back next month...

- ARC

Fathers (from Lefty, to Manny, to Dave, to Varick, and my Hans)

With a week to go until Father's Day, with new interactions between myself and my friends as first-time fathers, with a fresh photo arriving in my in-box yesterday of my younger brother (less than two months from turning 40) proudly holding his newest and fourth baby, and with my own husband living his life as a hands-on, nearly-always-available Papa to our girls, I am feeling a strong desire to write about the first, most important Dad in my life. My unconscious got going, I'm sure, because my Dad would have turned 76 this week (June 8th) and I had my first dream about him that I've had in a long, long time.

The dream was clearly of a much younger me (maybe I was all of 17 which means I wasn't even dating my husband at the time and in that funny, perhaps Freudian, way I could still be idealizing my Dad vs. turning my eyes towards my future-mate) and a much younger - totally dark-haired - Dad. We were in my parents' room and Dad and I were tackling the very simple task of straightening up the mess. There were piles of magazines and newspapers, perhaps a dirty plate and drinking glass or two, chairs askew, and maybe even a drawn shade or two that needed raising. I would be venturing into the made up or embellished side of things if I kept going, so I'll stop there. The point was that were working side-by-side, accomplishing a household chore that made Dad feel good and appreciative of my kind of help and vision regarding what makes things neat and inviting. This kind of work with my Dad always made me feel good.

These days, my domestic streak borders on a "nesting" energy and it is not escaping me that my dream contains a chunk of wish fulfillment; i.e., I wish my Dad and I could work together again setting up my nest. And, I wish he was here to greet and know my fourth baby (and, of course, to fully know and love my three girls- his granddaughters - as much as I know he would). Dreams about Dads. Putting things right. Our baby will be named for my Dad, whether a girl or boy. That feels good and right.

Signing off with love and reverence at 26 weeks along, 65% through, or at 2:30 p.m. if you think of my pregnancy as an eight-hour (9 a.m. - 5 p.m.) day...

- ARC

Remembering That We Are all Connected

Some days and some weeks I lose track of how lucky I am to be alive and healthy. This has been one of those weeks and I'm writing to re-connect with this blessing. I never want to take my health - my physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness - for granted.

In my role as a therapist, I am brought face-to-face with dozens of stories a week of families striving to do the best for their child(ren). I am brought very close to old wounds and current sadnessses, and yet I always seek to celebrate the strengths of the people whose lives I have been invited into as a professional helper/counselor.

I have been and am fortunate in life which, I suppose, can help me stay strong in my own way, but it is those of you who do not give up in the face of one hardship or disappointment after another who inspire me.

I have a message for you parents of adopted children, grandmas who have custody of their grandchildren, moms and dads in second marriages (or new relationships) who are or who want to be lovingly alert about the needs of their children: Keep up the good work! Every time you put your child(ren)'s needs first, every time you find a way to communicate with an ex-spouse, a biological parent, a guardian, teacher, babysitter, or even me and you truly want and will do nearly anything to create what is best for your child, then HATS OFF to you!

And you wonderful children, so many of whom are resilient and wanting things to be "normal," know that you must always be true to yourselves. If you cannot say what you want to say because maybe the trusted adult you wish was there to listen isn't available, write a note, draw a picture, tell another trusted adult who will help you get your message and needs heard. Don't give up! Instead, remember that we are all connected. Remembering that we are all human, that we all make mistakes, and that we all thrive when we receive genuine forgiveness are the key ingredients of trust. And, ideally, Love springs from this and Love is what keeps us all connected. With Love and Trust relationships can face adversity and grow.

What Needs to Sing in Your Life?

"If I keep a green bough in my heart, then a singing bird will come." - Chinese Proverb

Isn't this about intention? Isn't it about seeing your dreams brimming over the edge of a glass that is not only half-full but ready to take on more?

I don't think we can expect to hear birds within our hearts unless we give off the message of wanting to celebrate something. Have you shared with yourself what you are wishing for? Have you named it? Do you share your wish with others? Let's assume you're at the beginning of this process. Start by telling yourself (and this can be done by writing, making a piece of art, dancing, singing, running, praying, or just whispering to the night sky before you invite sleep) what kind of "bird" you hope comes to sing in your heart. Do the same thing again the next day - maybe in a new way, maybe in the way that brings you the most comfort. See what happens. You are growing the bough - a new, flexible and strong green bough- within your heart. I hope you find yourself smiling and planning just a little bit now.

This year's Vernal Equinox is just 2 1/2 weeks away, but we can always bring Spring and new growth into our lives. I wish you the unique joy that comes from setting intentions meant to unfold within your heart. I will listen for your singing bird and will smile when I hear its song.

- ARC

Grace, Spirit, Happiness and Destiny

These four words are the meanings attached to the last four Chinese pictograms I've selected at the conclusion of my acupuncture appointments. Choosing the rubber stamp image is a ritual that my practitioner uses with all of her patients no matter what their age. I admit wholeheartedly that I LOVE this practice. Maybe it reminds me of my own love of stickers which I dole out at the conclusion of my play therapy sessions with all of my child clients. Maybe it reminds me of my teaching days (1984-1988) when I lovingly offered stickers to all the children who wanted them on their papers, hands, lunch boxes, whatever. Anyhow, I feel tickled pink that Grace, Spirit, Happiness and Destiny are the images that I was drawn to. There's a story unfolding in those words. Allow me to elaborate: Although not all of you may have been following this blog (now in it's 14th month of existence), I have been walking my own path recently with greater awe, love, wonder, and patience. I wrote a blog entry in June of last year entitled "Ready or Not, Here We Come!" about my husband's and my efforts to conceive. I spoke of embracing whatever is was that he and I would reap from working together so closely and so (pro)creatively. Well, blessed we are again! I am pleased to say that our efforts have led to another pregnancy. Yes, early, early it is and, yes, respectfully cautious I am, but nonetheless, I am asking Spirit to accept my news and I am asking for the best possible outcome - whatever that may be.

Ready Mireille or Ready McFie might just grace this earth at the end of September. Bless you dear, sweet, 39 day old baby.

I love you already.

- ARC

The Lights of Winter Solstice

We are nearing Winter Solstice and the "darkest" night of the year but, as I drive across town tonight, I want to celebrate what I see: our city's and my neighbors' efforts to bring light into the world! I relish and am warmed by the polka dot lights outlining our big buildings' edges downtown, a multi-color splash of lights cascading from a rooftop, candy-cane whites and reds twirling up and down columns, twinkly starlights gracing the splayed branches of front-yard trees and shrubs, and tiny warm yellows glowing in their candle-shaped-ness. This year I am thrilled that Hannukah, Christmas, and Kwanza all happen during the week of December 22nd - 26th. I love feeling connected to people beyond my family and friends this time of year. I believe we all are meant to receive blessings sent to us from a Greater Spirit. Tonight, I feel both lifted and grounded.

Warm, Loving and Happy Holidays to you all!

Ever so gratefully,

ARC