Pearls of Wisdom

Peeking Out of The Cave

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:48:00 +0000

It's been almost 10 weeks since my last full week in the office (I last saw clients on September 11th) and 8 weeks since our dear baby boy was born. There's a culture of home, hearth, and cave-dwelling with our two dogs that's been dominating my experience (outer and inner) since September 24th when Ready McFie arrived.

I have chosen to take a long leave this time (my return to work date is scheduled to be 1/19/10) and there's a chance that my longer leave is adding to my ability to feel calm, patience, and joy. The longer I'm at home living this way, the harder it is to imagine recreating the schedule I maintained as recently as early September. The more time I have to think about the Blessing of our baby and to re-evalate my priorities, the more I know intuitively that I have to shift things as I return to my practice. When I was 30, 32, and even 35 years old heading back to work was a little bit more routine. This time, it's a whole other story.

Stroller walks in the Fan this week have had my husband playing "therapist" for me as he continues to encourage me to "wait and see how you feel" once I return to work and live that part of my life again. He's right. (Funny how we therapists really DO need an outsider's perspective just a much as anyone.) The turning of the calendar's pages and the seasons changing are making me somewhat wistful on top of all this stuff, but there'll never be a STOP TIME button I can push, so I need to let go of my ambivalence about time passing and realize all the good that there is to come as the days march along. We head North on 11/24 for a Massachusetts Thanksgiving and head West again for a Colorado Christmas. So many people in our families will get to see, hold, and love Ready McFie who have only seen pictures so far.

Life has its built-in silver linings all over the place. This is what I would tell you in the nurturing environment of my Arts for Replenishment and Change practice and surely what I know through my own experience.

Writing honestly allows me to gain clarity about my own life and direction. In this season of Thanks and Giving, here's wishing you the ability to be grateful for the challenges that you face. Give yourself some time to think about whatever is difficult in your life right now and ask for the best possible outcome. Then your job (or joy) is to trust that the problem will take on a new shape. Embrace the solutions that you find.

With Many Wishes for a Happy Giving-Thanks Time,

- ARC

Time for A Cross-Country Driving Vacation - Am I Crazy?!

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:40:00 +0000

I've got three days and seven hours left until my family and I head West. Driving to Reno, Nevada comes first. We think we'll get there after three full days of driving (not sure how many hours that'll be on the road but it's a total of 2,662 miles). I try to be kind of funny and cute and practical all at the same time when I remind my beloved husband that in the BEST case scenario we would be able to haul 887 miles a day, but what about my being 31 weeks pregnant at the start of this trip? Besides appreciating the scenery out my window, playing the requisite number of Alphabet Games, and listening to one of many already-selected books to read aloud to one another (all of which are part of helping to pass the time), I will regularly need to drink plenty of fluids, relieve the pressure on my bladder perhaps once every couple of hours, endure the strong likelihood of Braxton-Hicks contractions, and move around to stretch my legs as often as I can. So, what have I gotten myself into?

But I know the answer. A last trip with my family before the arrival of our baby in mid-to-late September. My girls deserve to have this trip go into their memory banks and my husband and I want this trip to go into our build-the-family record book. This is the summer of the Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince movie. This is the summer that all three daughters will be together at their Washington state camp for a full month thereby giving my husband and I our first-time-ever experience of being "childless" all just weeks before our babe arrives in September and we become a family of six. This is the summer when I've slept on top of the covers versus feeling cold or chilly every night. And this is the summer when I've realized I am thrilled (not anxious) about all the unknowns or mysteries that are coming to us. I like this life so much. I feel blessed and loved and safe.

The Universe provided us with the blessing of this sweet baby. I delight in its strong, active movements in utero and talk to our baby with such love and enthusiasm every day.

I still want to see everyone's life as being able to hold such promise. And, in particular, I still love working with people in my therapy practice who are seeking what it is that they want from the Universe.

Now I really know I'm not crazy to be taking this trip. I am lucky and excited and just might be able to write about that when I get back next month...

- ARC

Fathers (from Lefty, to Manny, to Dave, to Varick, and my Hans)

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:57:00 +0000

With a week to go until Father's Day, with new interactions between myself and my friends as first-time fathers, with a fresh photo arriving in my in-box yesterday of my younger brother (less than two months from turning 40) proudly holding his newest and fourth baby, and with my own husband living his life as a hands-on, nearly-always-available Papa to our girls, I am feeling a strong desire to write about the first, most important Dad in my life. My unconscious got going, I'm sure, because my Dad would have turned 76 this week (June 8th) and I had my first dream about him that I've had in a long, long time.

The dream was clearly of a much younger me (maybe I was all of 17 which means I wasn't even dating my husband at the time and in that funny, perhaps Freudian, way I could still be idealizing my Dad vs. turning my eyes towards my future-mate) and a much younger - totally dark-haired - Dad. We were in my parents' room and Dad and I were tackling the very simple task of straightening up the mess. There were piles of magazines and newspapers, perhaps a dirty plate and drinking glass or two, chairs askew, and maybe even a drawn shade or two that needed raising. I would be venturing into the made up or embellished side of things if I kept going, so I'll stop there. The point was that were working side-by-side, accomplishing a household chore that made Dad feel good and appreciative of my kind of help and vision regarding what makes things neat and inviting. This kind of work with my Dad always made me feel good.

These days, my domestic streak borders on a "nesting" energy and it is not escaping me that my dream contains a chunk of wish fulfillment; i.e., I wish my Dad and I could work together again setting up my nest. And, I wish he was here to greet and know my fourth baby (and, of course, to fully know and love my three girls- his granddaughters - as much as I know he would). Dreams about Dads. Putting things right. Our baby will be named for my Dad, whether a girl or boy. That feels good and right.

Signing off with love and reverence at 26 weeks along, 65% through, or at 2:30 p.m. if you think of my pregnancy as an eight-hour (9 a.m. - 5 p.m.) day...

- ARC

Remembering That We Are all Connected

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:14:00 +0000

Some days and some weeks I lose track of how lucky I am to be alive and healthy. This has been one of those weeks and I'm writing to re-connect with this blessing. I never want to take my health - my physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness - for granted.

In my role as a therapist, I am brought face-to-face with dozens of stories a week of families striving to do the best for their child(ren). I am brought very close to old wounds and current sadnessses, and yet I always seek to celebrate the strengths of the people whose lives I have been invited into as a professional helper/counselor.

I have been and am fortunate in life which, I suppose, can help me stay strong in my own way, but it is those of you who do not give up in the face of one hardship or disappointment after another who inspire me.

I have a message for you parents of adopted children, grandmas who have custody of their grandchildren, moms and dads in second marriages (or new relationships) who are or who want to be lovingly alert about the needs of their children: Keep up the good work! Every time you put your child(ren)'s needs first, every time you find a way to communicate with an ex-spouse, a biological parent, a guardian, teacher, babysitter, or even me and you truly want and will do nearly anything to create what is best for your child, then HATS OFF to you!

And you wonderful children, so many of whom are resilient and wanting things to be "normal," know that you must always be true to yourselves. If you cannot say what you want to say because maybe the trusted adult you wish was there to listen isn't available, write a note, draw a picture, tell another trusted adult who will help you get your message and needs heard. Don't give up! Instead, remember that we are all connected. Remembering that we are all human, that we all make mistakes, and that we all thrive when we receive genuine forgiveness are the key ingredients of trust. And, ideally, Love springs from this and Love is what keeps us all connected. With Love and Trust relationships can face adversity and grow.

What Needs to Sing in Your Life?

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 18:53:00 +0000

"If I keep a green bough in my heart, then a singing bird will come." - Chinese Proverb

Isn't this about intention? Isn't it about seeing your dreams brimming over the edge of a glass that is not only half-full but ready to take on more?

I don't think we can expect to hear birds within our hearts unless we give off the message of wanting to celebrate something. Have you shared with yourself what you are wishing for? Have you named it? Do you share your wish with others? Let's assume you're at the beginning of this process. Start by telling yourself (and this can be done by writing, making a piece of art, dancing, singing, running, praying, or just whispering to the night sky before you invite sleep) what kind of "bird" you hope comes to sing in your heart. Do the same thing again the next day - maybe in a new way, maybe in the way that brings you the most comfort. See what happens. You are growing the bough - a new, flexible and strong green bough- within your heart. I hope you find yourself smiling and planning just a little bit now.

This year's Vernal Equinox is just 2 1/2 weeks away, but we can always bring Spring and new growth into our lives. I wish you the unique joy that comes from setting intentions meant to unfold within your heart. I will listen for your singing bird and will smile when I hear its song.

- ARC

Grace, Spirit, Happiness and Destiny

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:53:00 +0000

These four words are the meanings attached to the last four Chinese pictograms I've selected at the conclusion of my acupuncture appointments. Choosing the rubber stamp image is a ritual that my practitioner uses with all of her patients no matter what their age. I admit wholeheartedly that I LOVE this practice. Maybe it reminds me of my own love of stickers which I dole out at the conclusion of my play therapy sessions with all of my child clients. Maybe it reminds me of my teaching days (1984-1988) when I lovingly offered stickers to all the children who wanted them on their papers, hands, lunch boxes, whatever. Anyhow, I feel tickled pink that Grace, Spirit, Happiness and Destiny are the images that I was drawn to. There's a story unfolding in those words. Allow me to elaborate: Although not all of you may have been following this blog (now in it's 14th month of existence), I have been walking my own path recently with greater awe, love, wonder, and patience. I wrote a blog entry in June of last year entitled "Ready or Not, Here We Come!" about my husband's and my efforts to conceive. I spoke of embracing whatever is was that he and I would reap from working together so closely and so (pro)creatively. Well, blessed we are again! I am pleased to say that our efforts have led to another pregnancy. Yes, early, early it is and, yes, respectfully cautious I am, but nonetheless, I am asking Spirit to accept my news and I am asking for the best possible outcome - whatever that may be.

Ready Mireille or Ready McFie might just grace this earth at the end of September. Bless you dear, sweet, 39 day old baby.

I love you already.

- ARC

The Lights of Winter Solstice

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 23:21:00 +0000

We are nearing Winter Solstice and the "darkest" night of the year but, as I drive across town tonight, I want to celebrate what I see: our city's and my neighbors' efforts to bring light into the world! I relish and am warmed by the polka dot lights outlining our big buildings' edges downtown, a multi-color splash of lights cascading from a rooftop, candy-cane whites and reds twirling up and down columns, twinkly starlights gracing the splayed branches of front-yard trees and shrubs, and tiny warm yellows glowing in their candle-shaped-ness. This year I am thrilled that Hannukah, Christmas, and Kwanza all happen during the week of December 22nd - 26th. I love feeling connected to people beyond my family and friends this time of year. I believe we all are meant to receive blessings sent to us from a Greater Spirit. Tonight, I feel both lifted and grounded.

Warm, Loving and Happy Holidays to you all!

Ever so gratefully,

ARC

Working Hard, Sleeping Hard, Playing Hard: Me and the Sox

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 18:54:00 +0000

A four and a half hour nap I took yesterday, yes. That 1:00-5:30 p.m. sleep was no Sleeping Beauty routine. It was both a blessing and a necessity after the busiest work week I've had all Fall. I consider myself fortunate to be as "in demand" professionally as I am right now, but a work-week like this past one makes me realize just how empowering it is to set my limits. I want to preserve my energy for everything and everybody NOT involved in work (especially my dear family). Just to review what I didn't do regarding exercising this week: Over the course of the week and up to the very minute I chose (or fell into?) rest over exercise yesterday, I had only gone to the gym once. Specifically, I didn't go Wednesday night after work; I didn't do the 90 minute balance ball (yoga and pilates) workout I had said I was going to do in my office on Thursday morning; and, instead of going to the gym from 1-3:30 p.m. after a morning full of daughters' soccer games spectating, I dragged my body upstairs to crash into sleep. (This, after being lovingly encouraged and reminded to "Take that nap!")

Taking the nap ended up giving me almost the right amount of energy to stay up late for Game # 2 of the American League Championship Series. Our favorite Red Sox battled the Tampa Bay Devil Rays into the wee hours of Sunday morning with the game tied 8-8 after 9 innings. But my body's need to rest took over again. I know that sometime during or after the 10th inning, with the game still tied 8-8, I fell asleep on the couch.

This morning I woke up at my usual week-day time. I felt terrific and happy in the cool morning breeze. Yes, the Sox had lost while I slept, but I can tell myself again how wonderful life is!

Have a great rest of October and always be sure to take care of yourself.

- ARC

Taking a Pulse: September 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:17:00 +0000

Back to School this September means O, G, and S starting 9th, 7th, and 4th grades, respectively. But school, as in actual academic classes, is just one part of our daughters' days. There's soccer, "Fall Ball," being a new percussionist in The Band, First Lego League, Neighborhood Kickers, Creating the winning design (but not being willing to alter her artistic vision) for the Fall Festival T-shirt contest, cooking Forceful Frittatas, and taking on more responsibilities at home like baking cookies and cleaning out cat litter boxes without being asked. I want my girls to love their lives and, yes, I realize that, currently, they love it to different degrees. But in the big picture, I am diggin' on the way each one is involved in her life and I am proud of the way they are growing up. I want to support my ladies in living their lives like each day is special. And, I want to live my life that way too.

Finally, with the Red Sox sure to be playing in the American League Division Playoffs (post-season excitement for the THIRD time in five years) magic is also heading our way. I've got a finger on the September pulses of my girls and my life and could not proclaim more happily that everything is thriving in its own incredible way.

I love you OCC, GDC, and SFC!

Mama

Ready or Not, Here We Come!

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 21:55:00 +0000

As my husband and I continue to try to conceive a fourth baby, I am moving forward in this process with great Faith. I have faith that I will learn something not only about myself but also about my love for my husband.

Last night, I consulted my Animal Medicine Cards* to see what I could learn. Using the Medicine Wheel Spread, I drew the Eagle in the East position. It is said to represent my connection to the Divine and to reflect my ability to live in the realm of Spirit while also remaining connected and balanced within the realm of Earth. It means that as I learn to fiercely attack my fear of the unknown, the wings of my soul will be uplifted by the consistent breezes which are the breath of the Great Spirit. I am being invited to join the adventure of co-creating with the Divine. (Wow! I'm there!)

I drew Swan in the South position and am reminded that this is a time to develop my intuitive abilities. Swan medicine people are said to have the ability to see the future, to surrender to the power of the Great Spirit, and to accept the healing and transformation of their lives. I am encouraged to relax about my self-transformation and to honor my female intuitive side.

Ant was my Medicine Card in the West. It conjures up the strategy of patience and a degree of self-sacrifice. It talks about Ant people having knowledge of the sweet victory at the end of the line. (Are you beginning to see how I might be relaxing now and embracing what Life has to offer, Ready or not?) Put another way, Ant medicine people are said to be content in knowing that "what is yours will come to you." Such knowing shows trust or Faith in the Universe to provide. (The Universe may or may not bring my husband and me a fourth baby. I have Faith that we will receive that which we need for our greatest further development as a couple.)

In the North position, I drew the Porcupine Card. A card in this position is meant to teach one how to spiritually apply and integrate the lessons of the other directions. I intuit, once again, that I am to relax into the power of Faith and Trust. To trust is to embrace the notion that the Great Spirit has a divine plan. Porcupine medicine is also about innocence and playfulness of spirit, so I am cautioned not to get caught in the messy adult world where things can become too serious and severe. I am to honor the incredible world of fantasy and imagination and to play with the wish that everyone can win.

The last card in the Medicine Wheel Spread is the center card or Sacred Mountain Card. It asks me to look at the present, to see myself embodying a melding of my spiritual and physical realities. I drew Butterfly and just smiled intuitively before I even consulted my book. It is a perfect symbol of metamorphosis and change. Butterfly medicine invites me to think about the project I am undertaking (trying to conceive a fourth baby; or is it more fully embracing the family of three amazing daughters [ages 14, 12, and 8 1/2] we already have?) and to ask myself which stage of this project I am in. Am I in the egg stage where the project is just an idea? Am I in the larva stage where I may need to make a decision? Am I in the cocoon stage where I am developing and doing something to make my idea a reality? Or am I in the birth stage where I am sharing my completed idea? Butterfly medicine helps clarify my mental process and helps me find the next step for my personal life. (Interesting that this Blog entry is about my personal life and it feels so right to share it as a link some of you might find on my career website.) So where am I? I feel like I am in the cocoon stage. I am ready to undergo some type of transformation. The Butterfly Card at the Sacred Mountain position suggests that I consult the cards further using the Butterfly Spread to understand the Animal Medicine cards found in the four stages of my current project.

This is what I learned:

Wild Boar energy (contrary) in the East or egg position tells me that I can call on Wild Boar energy and use its tusks to help me cut through feelings of helplessness or weakness. I also can reclaim the warrior self that I may have unintentionally abandoned.

Weasel energy (contrary) in the South or larva position means my abilities to observe may have become dulled allowing doubt or confusion to create a barrier to my progress. I must remember that honesty to myself and others is of the utmost importance.

I drew Tiger in the North or cocoon position but don't know what it means because my 14 year-old daughter created this card with one of the blank cards that came with the book.* So I'll intuit what Tiger medicine means to me in the cocoon stage. Am I doing something to make my idea a reality? Yes, I am growling and prowling back and forth guarding my Basal Body Temperature charts - which I use to help me track when I'm ovulating - with a ferocity that scares me sometimes. Uh-oh. My Porcupine Medicine (in the North position with the Medicine Wheel Spread) cautions me to be playful and not too serious or severe, so I know I've got things wrong in this cocoon stage. I must not be Tiger-like. Being Porcupine-like will be the key to connecting with my higher-self's purpose. The key is having Faith and Trust vs. letting Ferocity and Tenacity predominate.

The final card I drew was Bear energy (contrary) in the North or butterfly position. The card in this space helps me answer the question: Is Great Spirit walking hand-in-hand with me? And, with Bear medicine in the contrary position, I am to know that the time has come for me to regain my authority because no one knows better than I do what is proper and timely for my evolution.

So I will go with the flow and share this with my husband so he can know that my work on this project is to stay true to myself and connected to him. If we are meant to bring a male baby into this world then his name will be Ready (pronounced Reedy) McFie, and if we are meant to bring a fourth daughter into this world then her name will be Ready Mireille (Mireille being the French word for miraculous). Am I sharing personal, private information here? Yes. And how good it feels! Stay tuned...

* Thanks to Jamie Sams & David Carson for their 1999 Revised, Expanded Edition of Medicine Cards

- ARC

On the Shores of a Tidal River

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 27 May 2008 17:21:00 +0000

Being on Virginia's Northern Neck, along the shore of the Rappahannock River, with strong winds, temps in the 80s, and a bright sun (along with plenty of shade) made my Spring!

I love water more than I ever let myself know or feel because I so rarely vacation or visit there. I'm not a sunbather or a strong swimmer or even an avid boatswoman. I just love the rhythm of the steady waves, the bobbing of the boats, the sight of a dog's head thrust upwards as the pooch paddles feverishly to fetch a stick.

Restorative - that's what the water is for me - fully capable of making me slow down and soak in the largeness of life.

There I was, totally enjoying myself with my family, our two dogs, and friends who've been going to The River for four decades. It most certainly did not escape me that we were there on a day off - Memorial Day - because of the thousands of men and women who have given their lives to protect our country. I am grateful that I experienced the largeness of life on the day set aside for them and their greatness. Hats off to the shores of a tidal river!

- ARC

Tools for Creativity

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:58:00 +0000

Here they are! Happy, functional, inspiring, stimulating tools for growth. I have had these wooden ink stamps for nearly 10 years now. They are proudly displayed on my office shelf more as decorations, truthfully, than as actual stamps I use. But the other day a 12 year-old boy who works with me noticed them on his way out of my office and expressed anticipatory delight at the thought of using them the next time he had a session. His eagerness infected me. His desire to be creative fed my creative belly. And so, perhaps with a palette, maybe with music, possibly with a (quill) pen, conceivably with lots of nourishing "water," he and I will grow the next thing he needs to cultivate in his garden.

The tools are pure and simple, everyone. And what you grow will feed you. Thank you, dear client, for gravitating towards your creative path. I'm skipping along right by your side!

- ARC

Thriving in Your Niche

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:42:00 +0000

What does the word "niche" connote to you? Is it a place like a tight little prize-fighter's corner? Not to me. That kind of corner is the place where you go when you're exhausted, a place that leaves you nowhere else to go. To me, a niche should be an opportunity. A place where you can be yourself. I see it as a place where you stand out. You own this space and from it you speak your truth. Speaking from this authentic place, you reach others passionately. You are heard and dialogue with others.

Talking isn't what it's all about, though.

Finding one's niche also means that you have found a way to make an impact in the world. But a niche should come naturally. Perhaps you are a teacher inspiring year after year of elementary school students to "Go the Extra Mile!" Perhaps you are a waiter who anticipates nearly every need of your customers to the extent that you consistently pull in 20% tips or more. Perhaps you are a grandparent who plays or talks with your grandchild in a way that always lets him or her know how cherished he or she is by you.

Whatever niche you occupy - be it a career or relationship - stay out of the corner and be like the winning prize fighter whose arms are raised in victory. Strive to do your very best in this "ring" of life.

I'll be the one in the front row seats, jumping up and spilling my popcorn as I applaud every moment you thrive in your niche.

- ARC

Getting Energy From Your Work?

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:35:00 +0000

"The surest way of knowing that you’ve found your work is feeling blessed by it. Not every day or even every week, but overall you know your work gives you energy and you know it adds something special or crucial to the lives of others." - Rod MacIver in Heron Dance.

I was 12 when I knew what I wanted to "be" when I grew up. Among the many people who wonder about their calling, I am in the lucky minority when it comes to having had such a clear idea. The key for me, the reason I LOVE my work, is that I am always helping or guiding people as they are being creative. That makes my job creative too.

I thrive on meeting new people, hearing their stories, learning what they want to change or improve, and helping them figure out how they can pursue the life they want. Sometimes, I have clients who have a clear idea of what they want but who can't make themselves do ANYTHING to move closer to that goal. Other times, I have clients who are able to take very few, baby steps towards the goal but are afraid of letting go of their old lives, comforts, and habits. I will honor this stuck process for awhile. Which means, I'll stop asking you to try to DO anything and instead will ask you to just notice when you are getting energy from your endeavors. I will ask you to tell me when you know you've done something that positively affects others and their lives. That is the beginning of your path. The more you are able to follow and trust in this path the sooner you will feel blessed by your work.

How to turn feeling blessed into also making a living is the next step. Don't pretend that you really get a kick out of your current profession when you know that you're just watching the clock. That would inevitably lead to your deep dissatisfaction and the drying up of your soul. Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor: pay attention now and start stepping towards the path that gives you energy.

- ARC

L'Ange au Sourire

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:51:00 +0000

L'Ange au Sourire, in Reims, France.

I have been wanting to invite this benevolent, smiling angel into my clients' lives since last July when my family and I were fortunate enough to see her in person. I nearly melted in response to her upraised fist. I felt the never-ending warmth of her well-wishing encouragement. Seven months later, she continues to speak to me. I still feel the warmth from this angel's benevolent gaze. I hear her championing you, too, as you strive to take steps on your journey.

Come into her warmth. I want you to feel similarly warmed and benevolently welcomed at Arts for Replenishment and Change.

- ARC

Enduring Beams of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:51:00 +0000

"...we are here to learn to endure the beams of love..." - Blake

This morning when I woke up from a crappy night's sleep, I felt like I was ready to throw myself out with the coffee grounds and banana peels. But all around me were the cheery, productive morning jump-starts of my husband's and two older daughters' days. My middle daughter was excited about my making her a Chai Tea Latte. My feverish older daughter allowed me to take her temperature. My husband busily attacked last night's pile of dirty dishes and smiled sweetly when I noticed and told him that I thought he looked handsome. I think that was the turning point. I noticed that I felt good while giving to each of them.

I had allowed myself to feel my children's and my husband's appreciation and love. I quickly scaled the hump I sometimes erect to try to stay in a morning bad mood. No one was loving me any less. Instead, there were three win-win situations going on at the same time. Hallelujah!

Let's talk about the times when you've felt rotten after pushing away the people who love you the most. Let's look at the obstacles you erect. Then let's have you open yourself up to noticing the beams of love that are being sent your way. You are loveable. Feel and receive this love. I hope to help you endure this love and to grow strong enough to send out your own beams to people in your life who deserve them.

- ARC

You're the Gardener

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 15:54:00 +0000

"Il faut cultiver notre jardin." - Voltaire

I think I was all of 16 years old when I first read Voltaire's Candide. Although I can't remember if this was the last line of the book, I feel like it was. These words, this advice, spoke to my essential soul self and made me feel connected to my life's purpose. I relished thinking that it was up to me to make my garden grow and thrive.

My vocation, my calling, even my peapod logo are ALL about tending to my own and others' gardens. And so, when I came across the quotation below -

"If you want happiness to bloom within you...simply water the seeds." - Thich Nhat Hanh

(despite the fact that it was tucked into some kind of spirituality and health advertisement and disguised as junk mail) - the words jumped out and danced in front of me. Yes, we are all in charge of planting and watering our seeds of happiness. There's no blame or shame involved if you haven't been able to plant these seeds for awhile, let alone water them.

It's time to pay attention to what you're doing when you feel happy. (Even if it's just a little smile that crosses your lips as you watch someone else doing something that makes him or her happy.)

Together, we'll get my big ol' watering can, fill it to the brim, and start nurturing away. Come on! What are you waiting for?

- ARC

Don't Let AWFL Feelings Lead The Way

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:12:00 +0000

"Anger, Worry, Frustration, and Loss - these things make you lose control of yourself and your surroundings." - Séarlait Coffey, eight years old.

What follows is Séarlait's wisdom in dealing with me, her Mama, who ain't never claimed to be perfect.

"This is how you handle AWFL feelings. If you cannot control AWFL feelings you will lose yourself in your body and lose control of yourself. When my Mom is feeling uncertain of herself and is losing control and is feeling frustrated, I take her hands in mine and I tell her that this happens to me a lot too. And all you have to do is take somebody's hands in yours and their hands will tell you a lot about how they are feeling. Sometimes you need to take 3, 5, or 10 slow, calm breaths and if you really concentrate, you'll probably start to feel calm. This is how you handle AWFL. Don't let AWFL lead the way."

Whether you have a fiery temper, an anxious need to know what's coming down the pike, can no longer deal with yourself or the fact that you have not accomplished what you want to, or are still grieving the loss of a person, pet, dream, capability, or a part of yourself that used to thrive, I will welcome your expressions of these AWFL feelings. I will encourage you to find compassion for yourself and to discover which feelings and actions you want to nurture to continue becoming the person you'd like to be.

- ARC

How Do You Lose Yourself?

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 01:10:00 +0000

"I enter the ancient courts of the men of antiquity where affectionately received by them I pasture on that food that alone is mine and for which I was born, where I am not too timid to speak with them and ask them about the reasons for their actions; and they in their courtesy answer me; and for four hours of time I feel no weariness, I forget every trouble, I do not fear poverty, death does not dismay me; I transfer all of myself into them..."
-Niccolò Machiavelli

Weary from a day of Christmas shopping and package preparation, sharing news of his younger sister's new baby girl's birth, happily scrambling to cook dinner and co-creating the right atmosphere for our daughter's one-night-early birthday celebration, my dear husband still elected to share the above passage with me. He did so as I hugged my pillow, propped up my head, and held dearly to the ounce of energy I had left. But, as soon as I heard these words, I was energized and delighted. I felt I knew my husband even better than ever after nearly 25 years together. I immediately said to him, "Oh, that's the way you get lost. That quotation is about what it's like for you when your creative energies go on and on as you lose track of time. It's like what I have in my brochure for my practice."

And so I will ask again here, What nurtures your soul? What activity invites your imagination to soar in a way that lets you lose track of time and forget your worries?

Practice these activities. Relish them as you put aside the heaviness of time constraints and worries. Embrace whatever it is that allows you to transfer yourself into it wholeheartedly.

- ARC

Explore To Learn

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 19:23:00 +0000

"I learn by going where I have to go." - Roethke

Funny how full of common sense and yet how profound this notion is. Some people are afraid of change or do not want to voice what's going on inside for them. Others like to move, keep things fresh, explore, and play with possible answers (instead of being told the right answers). You "movers and shakers" may be the types who drive your children, partners, friends, employers nuts because you've always got to try things out for yourselves. I'm one of these types. When I'm unsure of what it is that I'm trying to learn, I move towards it. I also try to give birth to my thoughts and feelings by creating a piece of art. Or writing a poem. Or singing my words within. Or dancing a reaction. Or simply having an in-depth, spontaneous conversation with a friend.

Once I've played with and explored what it is that's going on, I inevitably learn something.

Set out on a journey and learn what there is that will open your heart, open your mind, open your horizons.

I'll ride the trail with you and go where you have to go.

- ARC

Take a Leap in the Dark

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:19:00 +0000

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how...The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark." - Agnes De Mille

Anyone who has ever tried to script his or her life inevitably receives a visit from the Trickster. "Ha, Ha! You think you got it all figured out? Watch this." The question then becomes, can you laugh at yourself when things get turned upside down? Can you shrug your shoulders and wait and see what's next? Bully for you if you already do this; I'm sure it's liberating. And if you can't or don't like to shrug it off, let me remind you of something. Change is good even if it's unsettling or maybe because it is. I can't wait to witness and support you as you throw a dart, move forward, or take a leap in the dark.

- ARC

Trust Your Own Creativity

noreply@blogger.com (Pearls of Wisdom) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 18:06:00 +0000

"Art is an attitude, a way of looking at life and yourself. Trust your own creativity. To be creative, what is that? It means to get deeply in touch with your guts, your soul, your sensory life...to be affected by everything so that it moves you."
-- Robert Alexander

This morning, a mere two weeks and five days since our beloved Red Sox had clinched their second World Series in a matter of three years, my husband and I were having breakfast with our nearly-eight-year-old youngest daughter. Hearing Bob Dylan on the iPod, my daughter asked, "Hey, Pop, does Bob Dylan have a baseball Theme Time Radio show?" "Sure enough he does," my husband let her know. "It was the fourth show he recorded." And from there, with Chance Halladay singing his 1959 Rockabilly hit "Home Run," our rhythm-gifted child danced and shoulder-shaked her way to happiness - her style. I thought first about my beloved rhythm-gifted father and then said aloud, "Hey, Séarlait, Geeps is watching you from heaven! You go, Girl!" And then there was sheer, creative bliss for all of us.

When your creativity comes, trust it, use it, celebrate it. Hot Diggety Dog!

- ARC